Expressing Sexual Desire by Sabrina Rogers-Anderson

Even for the most confident and outgoing person, expressing sexual wants can be intimidating. Here are a few tips and tricks to help it go smoothly.

Pick the right time to talk: If you try to bring it up as your partner is dashing off to work, chances are you won’t get anywhere, and you may even end up arguing about it. Introduce the topic when you’re both relaxed and don’t have any other commitments.

Be open and honest: Even if you feel embarrassed and struggle to get your words out at first, stick with it. Say what’s on your mind in straightforward terms and be clear as to whether you’re discussing desires you hope your partner can fulfill or you’re just playfully talking about fantasies you don’t necessarily want to go through with. If you’re discussing fantasies, don’t approach it too seriously—have fun with it.

Be positive: Make sure to use optimistic and constructive words so your partner doesn’t feel criticized. For example, say, “You turn me on so much, I feel like having sex with you all the time. We’ve just been so busy recently and haven’t had as much time as we used to. Do you think we could try to set aside more time for sex?” Or “Sometimes I fantasize about you having sex with another girl and it turns me on. Is there anything you fantasize about?”

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